Sister Wives’ Kody Brown Was Bracing to Be ‘Jealous’ When Christine Found New Love: ‘Still in Self-Deception’

Kody Brown admitted that he was “ambivalent” when he split from ex Christine in November 2021 but says he “might feel funny” about her entering a new relationship

Kody Brown is opening up about his feelings on his ex Christine Brown moving on.

On Sunday’s episode of Sister Wives, Kody, 54, revealed he was still in a period of “self-deception” after his November 2021 split from Christine, 51.

“There was this moment when Christine told me she didn’t want me staying at her place anymore where I was ambivalent,” he recalled of their breakup. “And the reason I was ambivalent, I think was literally because I thought she was playing a game.”

“So her being gone [is] relief. The fallout with the whole family is grief, the sadness that kids struggle with… I mean, I think the biggest fantasy any child has is that mom and dad love each other all their lives long,” he continued. “I don’t know it’s just the whole breakup — the divorce — is oh now, I’ve got this check mark of shame.”

When pressed by a pal how he would feel if Christine found a new love — she has since moved on with fiancé David Woolley — he responded, “I might feel funny when that happens. I might get jealous when that happens.”

“I mean I feel betrayed no doubt,” Kody admitted in a confessional. “But, I’m also going, ‘Well, have a good life.’ What can I do? I’m not going to be bothered when another guy is in her life. I don’t think.”

Kody also reflected on what he could have done differently to save his marriage to Christine.

“There was one time in my life when I realized the biggest mistake I made was Christine was kind of in this disconnect situation where she was telling me how much she hated polygamy and my mistake was when she was saying, ‘I hate polygamy,’” he shared.

He continued, “I was going, ‘What the hell? You wouldn’t have a family, you wouldn’t have me, you wouldn’t have our children!’ instead of saying ‘I know it’s hard, baby. I’m sorry. I love you. And I wish it didn’t hurt.’”

However, Christine had a different recollection of the events in their relationship unfolding.

“No, it wasn’t just hating polygamy,” she said in a confessional. “It was realizing that after I gave so much and I did anything he wanted, and anything he wanted me to do, I did, and but when I needed help, he said no.”

She added: “They’re not just my kids in my responsibility. They’re our children.”

Kody admitted that he would still want to sit down with Christine. “I’ve been humbled enough by this experience to say, ‘Yeah, Christine, cause I did some things wrong. I want to acknowledge it. Say I’m sorry. And essentially set you free,'” he said.

Despite the split, Christine recently told PEOPLE she has no regrets about the life she built with their extended family.

“Just because I left, it doesn’t mean we failed,” she told PEOPLE in a recent cover story. “It [only] means there’s change.”

She continued, “Our goal was to raise incredible children, and we did. It was a success for us.”